Update

So…

I’m on week three of Phase 1 of the south beach diet. Which is two weeks and three days longer than I’ve lasted on any other sort of diet. While I haven’t lost any significant weight yet,  I amaze myself in how much I’ve stuck to it. No bread. No pasta. No tortillas. No added sugar or sugar products. Lots of lean protein and veggies, with limited nuts and dairy.  And I’m feeling more full with less of those truly insane urges to overeat.

This is working for a couple of reasons. One, J. is behind me 100%, and is also helping out in the kitchen in terms of taking responsibility for meals. I’ve always been the cook of the family (99.995% of the time, at least for the first few years) and not having to think about meals for at least a couple of days out of the week are one or two days that I dont need to exercise willpower. Also, the SB diet isn’t about counting calories or carbs, and to me that seems less psychologically tough. I have a list of what I *can* eat, and now I can be creative within those confines.  I don’t “feel” denied. And given that I love to cook, being creative and finding tasty dishes to make has been fun.

I’ve got a *long* way to go. I’m 30 pounds lighter than the heaviest I’ve ever been, but at 250 I have a way to go to being happy with where I am. But I’m feeling more confident that I’ll get there, eventually. I know my issues with food go beyond just the physical. I have lots of shame and control issues mixed up in there. Asking for help – by sending an email to those closest to me, announcing my intention – was a huge first step. Again, J. has helped me confront some of these (both inadvertantly and deliberately.)

Of course, we did that right when J. went back to work. The transition has been relatively okay. Milky has been handling both Savita and Annika just fine. This first month back – although full time – has been a little lighter scheduled than it otherwise could be, so J. has been able to get home pretty close to when she should be. This helps with the feeding schedule. While Savi isn’t on a reliable nap/feeding schedule yet (she’s pretty much PRN), we can generally put her to bed around or before Annika’s bedtime (7pm or so) and maybe 30% of the time she’ll sleep til 3 or 4am, sometimes 5. Otherwise she wakes up once. All told, that’s fantastic.  We really couldnt ask for much better than that.

On the work front, I’m busy. I soon shall be Super Busy. I still don’t think I want to hire or contract out the work, although that does means I’m somewhat overcommitting myself. (One reason why I’m up at midnight right now.) But, as they say, it’s not a bad problem to have. The downside: I have these business ideas still percolating that I can’t go into action on unless I free myself up to do so. Maybe that should be impetus enough to shift some work, I guess. But I get a variety in my day – a little process work, some management, some regulatory stuff, some technical. But while I can do the technical work, I dont get the consistent buzz out of it that I used to. There *is* a challenge in learning how to do something in a different language or framework, but more often than not it’s frustrating because I could code it in a few minutes in a language/framework I know, and it seems like a waste of time to learn how to translate. Especially if I could pay a young hot shot to do it in less time.  On the gripping hand, learning it means I’m all the more knowledgeable about what it takes to do the next task/project/initiative that uses that technology, and I can advise my clients accordingly.

So with work and children pretty much taking up all of my time, it’s no wonder that I feel so insulated socially. We spend most of our time with family. Which, for the most part, is perfectly great. But that doesnt leave much time for other friends. We try to schedule time with folks on the weekends we’re here, but given the free time remaining after you factor in naps ,  already scheduled family time, time that J. and I want to spend together, and the need to sleep, that doesn’t leave much. It’s probably the least satisfied part of my life, but I think I just need to acknowledge the reality of it and do what I can. It’ll get better when the kids are older and more self-reliant, but by then I’m guessing play dates and soccer practice (metaphorically speaking, not necessarily literally) will take over. Oh well.

J. is taking me out to the city for one glorious kid-free night on the weekend of October 22nd. We’re going to get a room in the city and act like adults for 24 hours. (Well, with pump breaks built in.) Getting really excited about it, although we haven’t figured out which hotel yet. Going to try to get rezzies at either Obelisk or Komi, although I understand you can only get rezzies 30 days in advance. Looking forward to it!

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