Another orbit around the sun.  39 Feels old. The best present I could think of was for Jyotsna to take all the girls and let me sleep in until about 7:45am. HEAVEN!  The girls and I will go out to an early dinner tonight to my favorite pizza place (Fireworks, in Leesburg)  and I’ll have a beer. I tell you, craziness in my old age!  Mom and Dad are coming this weekend, will be nice for the girls some more hands to keep them occupied.

Nora is now day over 5 weeks old, and we’ve hit some turbulence. She was an angel the first few weeks. but now she’s resisting the sleep at night and showing her persnicketyness.  Third time around we’re obviously much less anxious about the whole thing, we know that this too will pass even if each kid has been different. The fussiness hits a 6-8 week crescendo, and it’ll subside. Annika and Savita still remain relatively doting older sisters. Savi is a bit like Lenny from Mice and Men, not really knowing her own strength when trying to snuggle Nora.  Annika and Savita are blooming as sisters, its fun to see their relationship evolve (and occasionally devolve!) They are entering that age where they start having external activities – ballerina and swim classes, right now – that define our schedule, but we’re trying to keep it light. Plenty of time for that later.

Hard not to feel like you want to take a little stock of your life on your birthday. Work is steady. Although it’s been more than seven years being on my own, it never feels completely settled. It’s okay though, because my career right now necessarily takes a back seat to everything else. For now.

Family is the overwhelming theme of my life right now, yet there are occasional nights I’ll dream that I was still single and seeking…something.  Its not a desire for any one particular thing, but almost like an echo of a habit. (“The Habit of Desire” – great name for a cheesy novel.) They say that your self image lags who you actually are by a few years, so perhaps those dreams are only vestiges of a long held view of the world that no longer applies.  Although we’re currently in the maelstrom of child rearing, as I look around I really couldn’t be happier with where I am. Sure, there are things that could stand changing and the responsibilities that we have always weigh down somewhere in my thinking.  I lament the lack of freedom to sleep in or lay around in our pajamas watching TV all day. but those are surface things, grumbles but not real grievances. For every morning I groan at having being awakened by a bright-eyed Annika at 6:30am after a few short hours of sleep, there will be mornings where I hear her pattering feet approach our door and I happily anticipate the gleeful screams where I pop out from under the covers scaring her. It’s just a different life now, with different rewards.

I’m somewhat aware that this too shall pass soon – the girls will at some point will be too cool for us, and their needs and habits will be less urgently defining our lives. Maybe when I’m 49 I’ll be writing about how I’ll be dreaming about a life defined by potty breaks, diaper genies and arguing over what clothes to wear for school. It’s a fun ride, though.






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